Reflecting Confidence

20 years ago today my sweet mother passed away at the age of 43 from breast cancer. She was beautiful inside and out. I sadly remember the cancer eating away at her, she had to have double mastectomy, her left arm filled up with fluid (the doctors were unable to drain it), she became so frail her skin would slightly hang off her bones. She had wisps of grey hair on her head trying to grow back, it was unsuccessful due to the chemotherapy and massive radiation. With all of that in mind, in public she held her head high and made jokes so that she would lighten the mood and help others not to feel uncomfortable. I know she wanted us to see her strong so that she wouldn't worry her four young children. 

We all at sometime in our lives have that feeling of "if I had only known then what I know now" maybe I could have done or changed the outcome. In reality we know that's not the case, but it can be a hard pill to swallow when thinking of the past. My memory takes me back to being 14 years old. My mother had just come home from picking up her new wig at the salon. She was in the bathroom sitting on the edge of the bathtub crying. I asked if she was ok? She was frustrated and pulled her wig off her head and threw it across the bathroom. "They did a horrible job cutting the wig, I look awful." she said. I had never heard or seen my mother upset over her appearance before. I was used to her making jokes and laughing. I could see the dark circles under her eyes, she was tired. 

My heart breaks over that memory. I think to now how I've graduated from hair school and have been doing hair for 10+ years, I could have helped her I think to myself. I could have helped her with so much so she could have that feeling of confidence. 

As I have been reflecting over this I found my key word....Confidence. I know my mother had it, you could see it when you talked to her. She was a strong, smart, resilient, a courageous woman. I know I acquired these attributes from her, by her example. 

I have been asked at times, how do you do it? How do you carry such confidence, how do you hold your head high when you have gone thru what you have? I really have never had an answer to respond with, I just thought well how do you not have it? I have started to contemplate over what brings me confidence, in my mind there are 2 parts. The outer and the inner. When I do my makeup, hair and have a cute outfit on, I feel amazing, and that rubs off on people. It may sound silly and some may roll their eyes and say you should have confidence without that stuff. But for me a good mascara and a great pair of shoes can make my week that much better! As for the inside, reading a good book, learning a new skill,  or walking up a flight of stairs without passing out (I promise for me that is a major accomplishment, I hate exercising). These are all little things that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, I'm pretty, or look I baked that cake and it came out perfectly. These are the small little things that help fill the bucket of confidence. 

What helps you to build your confidence????